Sophisticated Love Rule #2: Cookie Dough

www.wilton.com
"I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. If I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m- or enjoy warm, delicious, cookie me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done" Buffy the Vampire Slayer  

In my early twenties, I was telling my aunt about a date that went horribly wrong. She said "Well, he probably realized that you weren't done baking." her  comment naturally threw me off. What the heck was she talking about?! She  went on to explain that the guy I was out with probably realized I wasn't mature enough for him or was not mature enough to give him the relationship he was looking for. He was 10 years older than me at the time so what my aunt said made sense. 

Of course, this was my aunt's way of telling me nicely that he 'just wasn't into me', deal with it, and move on. Still, I remembered what my professor and mentor in college once told me. She had said that a successful relationship means two individuals. In the beginning of a relationship and in a marriage two people should  have their own interests, their own friends, and their own independent life. If one person depends on the other person too much then there is only one person in the relationship and then it obviously, can no longer be considered a relationship.  

"I don't think you can be with someone until you can be with yourself" Summer Roberts from the episode 'The French Connection' of the 'The O.C.'

What the cookie dough analogy means and what I take it to mean now is that people start out as cookie dough. For some people, it takes a little time to know who they are, know what they want and need out of life and know what they want and need in a relationship.And that's okay. Sometimes what you want and need out of a relationship just appears. 

The hard fact of life is that change is the only constant.  
So, how does anyone or any relationship keep up? By letting go.

In a relationship as in every individual person's life, there are times where people need to be alone or need  freedom. There are times when people need to figure out where they want and where they are going in their life. Sometimes the time to experience life in general is what is needed before a lifelong, serious, and mature relationship can be considered. Sometimes in a relationship, to determine long term potential there are times where space is needed and necessary to see whether you grow towards or away from each other.

In the end, there are times when people, situations, and relationships need time to go back into the oven to bake before they are ready to be enjoyed. ;D!