Sophisticated Dating Stage #5: Pink Flags

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A 'pink (red) flag' are general warning signs that a relationship is headed for a break up or is in a dangerous or harmful place. There are a few red or 'pink' flags should be aware of when you go out on a date or are in relationship:

Animals: If they treat animals poorly how will they treat children? Animals especially dogs,  have a sixth sense. If a dog bites the person, a cat growls or hisses at the person you are with, be forewarned.

Your Name: Destiny's Child had it right when they said 'Say My Name'.  Listen to hear whether the person you date ever says your name. Also watch if he ever says your name in public or in private. Dating is public activity. How can they ever say 'I love you' if they can't or never even say your name?

Insults: People who are strange should act a little strange. Teasing or critiques on the way you behave or what you wear on the first or second date are warning signs. The first few dates they should be putting their best foot forward. If putting their best foot forward is being insulting towards you what can you expect from them when they aren't putting their best foot forward?

Crying: This could be a deal breaker or a 'pink flag'. If you fight or even if you don't and you end up crying over him or what he said it is not a good sign. Has he been so insulting or cruel to you that it brought you to tears? If he really cared about you, why did the fight (See Sophisticated Love Lesson #4: The Fight) or he get to that point? From experience, when a man has brought you to the point of tears, it's a warning that it might be time to say good-bye (See 'Sophisticated Dating Stage #7: Breaking up)

Flaws: When dating consider a person's flaws. Whatever they are they will be 100 times worse when you are married. 

Head turner: For a man, looking at other women is natural. Hence, why some men wear sunglasses. Therefore, beware of the following:

1- Even if you are outside he wears his sunglasses the whole time he is with you. The eyes are windows to your soul. Ask yourself, why isn't he revealing himself even for a few minutes.

2- If you are talking with him and he completely turns his head to check out another female. You should be the center of his universe even on the first date. Wonder to yourself, what caught his eye that would make turn his whole head turn in another direction? 

Too Good to Be True: If you are on a first or second date and he is giving you a resume on how perfect he is  something is wrong. Remember the old adage,"If it is too good to be  true, it is"? A man like anyone should have a few flaws. If he is as perfect as he says than he will expect you to be in the long run. A man who does and says he has done everything right will have one flaw, he will be judgmental. Eventually, he will expect you to be as perfect as him. Perfection isn't real, honest, or sophisticated ;D


Third Date:  If a man pressures you to have sex on or before the third date, break up with him immediately. (Sophisticated Dating Stage #8: Third Date)

Friends: When a man does not want you to hang out with your friends. That is controlling behavior that will only get worse. A sophisticate must keep her individuality including her friends. If not, that is her decision. When a man says that he doesn't want you to hang out with your friends then you should tell him that you don't want to date him anymore.

Moving In: You may be supposedly 'In love' with someone but if your reason to move in with someone is so that you can figure out whether you are compatible then there is a good chance you aren't. 

Jewelry: The type of jewelry a man gives you reflects how he feels about you. If he is not familiar with your style, he is not familiar with you or know you very well.

Bad Patch: If you use the words "Bad Patch" the relationship is not the right one. There are no bad patches in a good relationship.

"I'm not a stop along the way, I'm a destination" Blair Waldorf from 'Gossip Girl'

Indy 500: Dating is not like the Indy 500 and a date is not a pitstop. You are not the pitstop you are the prize to be won at the end of the finish line. A man has to pro-actively make time to go see you. He must take the time to go see you not because you are on the way to someplace else or to someone else. Rather, YOU are his destination. 

Whether in a relationship or dating, a man does not say "I will be in the neighborhood, let's meet up." A man who is interested says "I am traveling to see you, to make time for you because I want to  get to know you or I miss you." 

Judge a Book by it's Cover: If you go out with someone who likes to read, ask them their favorite book. A man's favorite book says a lot about their character, who they are, and where they are going. What does a favorite  book like "Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde" tell about a man versus a book like "Big Fish" by Daniel Wallace, "Great Expectations" by David Copperfield or even the play "Our Town" by Thornton Wilder. That is for you decide. 

Finally, on your wedding day, there is being nervous, there is being excited that can be interpreted as being nervous, and then there are doubts vs. old feet and fear. If you have cold feet or fear on or as your wedding approaches, it's time to consider objecting during or stopping the ceremony. Marriage isn't expensive, divorce is... P.S. and don't cheat right before the wedding that is unsophisticated coward's way out ;D!