All a Sophisticate Wants (In Love)

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Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner. It feels limitless, not limited."

From the time I was little, I always wanted to know what it meant to fall in love. One day my Dad pulled out a record  with a blue cover. He told me that if I wanted to know what it meant to fall in love, the best way he could describe it was through the lyrics of a song called 'All I Want' by Joni Mitchell. 

At end of the song, the last phrase of the song is "I want to make you feel free" and not only are those the last words of the song but they are the only phrase she repeats. 

Those words echoed through my mind and heart. I asked myself "Have I ever loved another person enough to want them feel free? Has anyone ever loved me enough to want me to be free?" and finally, "What does freedom mean when you are in love?" For me, the whole concept of freedom and marriage seemed like a contradiction.

"The art of compromise is the art of dividing  a cake in such a way that everyone believe he has got the biggest piece" Paul Gauguin

From what I had known and experienced, compromise was something you had to do.  For me, anything that I had to compromise on was more of a chore and never fun.  Compromise was also a word that I heard frequently from people who were married.

In relationships, I always made myself smaller, less meaningful to fit the other person. I wanted to be liked and loved so much, I did whatever they asked just so they wouldn't leave me. What happened? I ended up being unhappy with myself, the relationship, and eventually unhappy with the other person. I became unhappy with them and they were unhappy with me.

The only time I felt completely free or free to be myself was when I was single. Yet, the real cause of the failed relationship was me. I messed up each relationship by not completely being myself and not being honest with myself on what I want. I was at fault for every relationship that went wrong simply because I did not allow myself to be free to be myself and want what I really wanted.

Couples could be together and have a relationship where it is constant compromise and neither one is happy. They could look and dress like the perfect couple but have emotional skeletons in their closet hidden where no one not even themselves can find them. A couple could walk around pretending to be happy when in reality behind closed doors they are not. 


Sometimes it is the desire to be yourself and allow others to be themselves completely that anyone or any couple wants to have when they decide to fall in love. In love, sophistication in the 21st Century means nothing more than being honest with yourself and being honest about what you want from another person when you fall in love.  ;D