Sophisticated Love Rule #5: Deal Breakers

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"Everything will be all right in the end. If it's not all right, then it's not the end." Unknown


When a Sophisticate is starting to date someone there comes a point where she must stop daydreaming, take her head and heart out of the fog  of infatuation, and look at a person honestly and realistically.There are two parts to looking at a person your dating and the reality of the relationship. A Sophisticate must be able to detect warning signs (See 'Sophisticated Dating Stage #5: Pink Flags') and understand her relationship deal breakers. A deal breaker is something personal to the individual. A relationship deal breaker has to do with the heart, feelings, emotions, or lack thereof. 


I learned about relationship deal breakers one night while I happened to overhear a man talking to his friend about a recent dating experience. The man had taken his date to a Phillies game and she had a good time. He was excited and said because of her interest he has finally decided to take the relationship to the next level. I became curious, why was it such a big deal that a woman enjoyed a Phillies Game?

Everyone has relationship deal breakers he explained. Those situations that we put the person we are dating through to see whether they pass or fail. Whether the person passes or fails determines whether the relationship will continue. For example, he loved the Phillies and especially going to baseball games. Therefore, could never be with or love someone who didn't share his enjoyment for baseball. 

What he said made sense. The key to relationship deal breakers is that you can't tell the other person. Sometimes deal breakers are obvious for example being attracted to someone. To be attracted to someone and have chemistry on both ends is  an obvious deal breaker. Some deal breakers you have to keep quiet. Deal breakers are sort of like taking a test where you shouldn't have all of the answers beforehand.


When a Sophisticate deals with deal breakers she must ask, what were those personal interests or things close to her heart?Why are people who are best friends have better relationships? Beyond the trust established, a best friend has the answers to the deal breakers.


There is also the deal maker. The deal maker is the one thing that helps a Sophisticate decide whether the other person is 'The One'. For example, when will I know when I've found 'The One'? 

Simple. The first time a man voluntarily buys tickets for us to see a professional ballet performance together. Why? Ballet is the one activity that makes the rest of the world disappear. Ballet is the one thing that I truly love. Yet, no man would voluntarily want go to a Ballet.   Therefore, he would be going to the ballet not because he wants to go but because I would love to go. An unselfish act that recognizes and shows how much he respects my passion and what's in my heart.


Sophisticated Dating Rule #5: Deal Breaker: In relationships a Sophisticate knows that a deal breaker is the same as a deal maker. The relationship a Sophisticate has with the one she loves should be an outward reflection of what is inward or inside her heart.