Sophisticated Love Lesson #6: Secrets

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"What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does."  Anonymous 

Since 9/11 the economy in the 21st Century has not been fantastic. The pressure to survive has increased and so have the odds that people will see you at your worst. To be Sophisticated in relationships in the 21st Century means you are strong and fearless enough to be vulnerable. Vulnerable meaning that you are confident enough to show people who you are not just at your best but more importantly, at your worst.  


When I first started dating, my aunt gave me the advice not to tell too much about myself and my life in the beginning of any relationship. She told me to be mysterious and secretive so that men would want to get to know me more. Unfortunately, mysterious wasn't who I was and when I tried to conceal who I was or what I wanted the truth seemed to surface despite my efforts. In both positive and negative ways, my feelings and emotions were always written on my face and  on display through my words and actions. 

When I would talk to people who were divorced, they would say that the most common comment I heard was "The person I married wasn't the same person I fell in love with". The truth is that they were the same person. Unfortunately, they may not have known each other well enough before they got married (See 'Sophisticated Love Rule #3: Best Friends'). I began to question whether it was a good to be mysterious or secretive. Regardless of whether the relationship continues or not maybe, being mysterious is good to a point and then it is better to be yourself and let the other person know what to expect. Maybe, being yourself is not only the biggest and best gift you can give yourself but to another person.

Of course, you can never know everything about another person. The exploration of getting to know that person should be fun and an adventure. If as you get to know them the more you get to know them the more you don't like who they are or you are not having fun it's time to reconsider the relationship. Similar to the traditional fairy tale of 'Beauty and the Beast', although hideous on the outside, in his heart the Beast ended up being beautiful enough to be loved. Sometimes the opposite is true. What you see on the outside is only half the story. You have to get to know another persons secrets to discover the truth     about them.

The best way to know whether you should trust another person is to tell them a secret. What they do with that secret determines the nature of the person you told and the relationship. Trust is the lock on the door that could open the way to a successful relationship and secrets are the key. Although secrets may seem harmful, they are the key to a successful relationship. Secrets between two people can be the building blocks that create a deeper connection between two people or they can be what ends a friendship and a relationship forever.  

Sophisticated Love Lesson #6: Secrets: If you want to build any type of relationship with another person tell them your deepest and darkest secret. Be completely yourself. Reveal all of your secrets so that the truth can set you and the other person free. ;D!