Sophisticated Love Lesson #9: Having an Attraction vs. Being Attracted

True Love in Pictures
"Attraction is not a choice" David DeAngelo 

I've dated men where there was chemistry. The chemistry existed in my mind and in my smile yet, there was something missing... something deeper. I realized that I was only attracted to someone and there was no attraction. As I've learned, an attraction between two people is different from simply being attracted from someone. 

When you are attracted to someone you check the boxes on an imaginary checklist of the criteria you established for the 'perfect someone'. When you are attracted to someone the act of making love is simply that... an act.  So, how does a Sophisticate know when there is an attraction or she is just attracted to someone? The difference lies in the amount of time, level of depth, and the strength of the bond you have with another person. 

Being Attracted: Strength of Bond- Innocent and superficial; Level of Depth - Out of sight, out of mind; Time - The chemistry get's less and less over time.

Having an Attraction: Strength of Bond- Best friends; Level of Depth - Like quicksand; Time - Although it changes, it develops into something deeper and stronger over time.


True Love in Pictures
For a Sophisticate, attraction goes deeper that 'I think he's cute' or 'I think he's hot'. Attraction is feeling as if not being able to talk or be with that other person is unbearable. Attraction is when a Sophisticate waits up until 9:00 PM just to see or be held by that person. 

When there is an attraction between two people the feelings of a Sophisticate are deep and intense. Attraction kissing someone and not wanting to come up for air. An attraction with another person completely consumes a Sophisticate even when she is not with that  person. An attraction is passion... obsession

Being attracted is giggling, attraction is laughing. Being attracted is wanting to kiss the other person, attraction is wanting to be with another other person. Being attracted to someone is wanting to hold someone's hand, attraction is not wanting to let go. 
True Love in Pictures
For a successful marriage to last 10, 20, and 30 years, there needs to be attraction. There is a level of intensity that needs to exist since that initial chemistry will fade. When the initial chemistry fades you need to have a certain level of intensity in the beginning that can and will transform and develop over many years.

Sophisticated Love Lesson #9: Attraction vs. Attracted:  A Sophisticate knows there is difference between being attracted and attraction. The difference is that with an attraction to someone else, it's not her choice. ;D