Sophisticated Love Rule #9: Pay or Not to Pay

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"I'll give you all I've got to give; If you say you love me too; I may not have a lot to give; But what I've got I'll give to you; For I don't care too much for money; For money can't buy me love" From 'Can''t Buy Me Love' by The Beatles

In the 21st Century women have the ability and the opportunity to make their own money and have a career. Like men, women want to be treated with respect and feel special.  If the woman can afford to pay the check on the date does she? Is one way of being treated as an equal mean that she should pay her way or go so far as pay the entire bill? Has the courtesy of a man paying the entire bill gone away with the fact that some women are financially independent?

In the beginning of relationship, everyone wants to make a good impression. So, the question on a first, second, and third date or in the beginning of any relationship is who pays. 

Here are a few guidelines that I've held to be true when seeing someone:

Going for Coffee: You would go dutch. It's a bonus if the man wants to pay but it should not be expected. This is a VERY casual meeting to get to know someone and should be treated as such.

First Date: The man pays even if the woman asks for the date.  A true gentleman, or Sophisticated man is that he pays for you on the first date.A Sophisticate asks how much the bill is and OFFERS to pay. The difference between someone who is Sophisticated and who isn't Sophisticated is whether she offers to pay. Especially in a bad economy, she is sensitive to the fact that the date and the willingness for the man to pay is a gift and is a BIG deal.

Second Date: A Sophisticate expects to pay her half or the tip. If she offers and he pays he is a keeper. Still, it is the second date and if you are both beginning to realize this could be more don't toss the guy if he allows you to pay.

Third Date: A Sophisticate  expects to pay her half or the tip. There are a few gentleman left in this world and this is when you see who is worth sticking with for the long run. If he still won't let her pay, a Sophisticate knows he is a keeper or 'the one' she should be with forever.

Beyond the Third Date: A Sophisticate knows she pays half or at least the tip. A truly Sophisticated man pays for everything. If he is a good man and  is really interested in her, he cooks for her. If he pays, a Sophisticate knows he is appreciative of her love and she will return the gift of paying for the dinner or date in some other way. A truly Sophisticated man will make a home cooked meal for her.   

In a bad economy, it is perfect acceptable, polite, and sophisticated for a woman to bring a coupon on a date.  The coupon shows appreciation and concern. Of course, it is only for a Sophisticate to offer the coupon and not for the man to expect the woman to bring a coupon.

Does a sophisticated woman in the 21st Century a.k.a. a Sophisticate on a date pay or not? The answer is not about money. The answer for a Sophisticate lies in courtesy and appreciation.

Sophisticate Love Rule #9: Pay or Not to Pay:  In the end, the determination whether to pay or not to pay on a date is determined by both the Sophisticate and the man she is seeing. A man should not to expect the woman to pay in appreciation of what she could mean to him in the long run. A Sophisticate should offer to pay to show her appreciation for having a good time and wanting to be  with the man she hopes will be or knows is 'the one'. ;D