The Golden Rule of Love: Lose Yourself

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"Only when you are lost can love find itself in you" Helene Cixous

From the time I was in high school until today, I would always say the same thing "You will know when I have found 'the one' when I decide to and actually cook a meal for them". People would always laugh because they knew it to be true. My willingness to cook a meal something that was against my nature meant that I was truly in love.

My aversion for cooking was similar to my aversion to dating. My dating experiences were to similar to cooking a meal.  Every date as with every meal something always went wrong and it ended badly. I am a romantic and do enjoy a good meal yet, the process to find romance or to cook something delicious was difficult. The end result was that I gave up on dating and cooking, both seemed hopeless.

Everyone always had always given me same advice about a good relationship "Never lose yourself" . Growing up I watched people get into relationships and change, myself included. People lost doing what they enjoyed doing and losing their identity. As one of my professors in college told me, relationships are about two individuals. If one individual loses their identity, then it is no longer a relationship. It is just one person with a lot of problems. 

Over the summer, I met someone who made me want to change for the better.  He taught me the difference between losing yourself and losing your identity.   No one knew that I found pick-up trucks and the men who drove them attractive. No one knew I enjoyed going horseback riding or going camping.  Bonfires, sports bars, and beer? Not the image of the girl most people knew.

There was no fear in being myself. Since he accepted me completely, I was comfortable and happier than I have ever been.

My happiness allowed me to go outside my comfort zone without fear. He wanted me to express my feelings and talk when I was afraid.  Ultimately, I lost myself because he taught me how to depend on someone. He taught me that true independence comes when you can depend on another person. He meant a great deal to me and one morning I cooked breakfast for him.

The only way to succeed is to fail, the only way to learn is to make a mistake, and the only  way to fall in love is  to lose all that you know and follow how you feel.

A Sophisticate knows that there is a right and wrong way to lose herself. She  knows not to lose her interests, ambition, or  friends. A Sophisticate does lose her fear, her insecurities, and as a result she finds happiness.

The Golden Rule of Love: Lose Yourself: A Sophisticate doesn't lose her friends or interests. In the end, a Sophisticate doesn't lose her life she loses her heart ;D