Sophisticated Relationship Trend #2: Ghosting

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"Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.”  J.M. Barrie 'Peter Pan'

One day in college as I was leaving a friends dorm room, she suddenly said, "You realize that since I've known you, you've never said good-bye. You always say 'c-ya later'." I thought about it for a second and then responded, "Well, I've said good-bye to so many people in my life I guess when I don't have to I avoid saying it."

Without being proud of my behavior my issues of feeling as if I no control over having to say good-bye to so many people I've loved have caused me to be controlling while in a relationship and become a 'ghost' when I want to end a relationship. 

Although, the 21st Century relationship term 'Ghosting' is new, the concept is not. 'Ghosting' has been around for a long time.'Ghosting' refers to when you have a date or a relationship with someone and suddenly their gone. They stop answering your text messages, phone calls, or e-mails. Like a ghost they suddenly disappear from your life. They evaporate and are never seen or heard from again.

I had met a woman who had created a dating blog called 'Postcards from the Mothership'. This blog existed before the term 'Ghosting'. With each blog, she would pretend that she was the guy writing letters about his disappearance and new life from the 'Mothership'. This 'Mothership' took him away and was now taking him to another galaxy never to be seen or heard from again.

Our fast paced and easily accessible vehicles of communication have also caused 'Ghosting' to become more important. If a person disappears they really don't want to talk or be in contact or even have any type of relationship.

For a Sophisticate, 'Ghosting' is painful experience. For her, it is not only  a painful experience because she feels rejected but because of the questions that  never stop being asked in her head. A Sophisticate is always looking for feedback to improve herself and her choices. When a man disappears for no reason, questions such as: "What did I do wrong?" "What went wrong?" "Why didn't the other person not care enough for me to even tell me that he wasn't interested?"

A Sophisticate has the answer to all those questions even without having the man around to answer them. From experience, 'Ghosting' occurs for the following reasons:

1- Fear of confrontation 
2- Lack of caring, concern, or respect for the other person
3- The lack of desire to give closure (See #2 and #5)
4- Wanting to not 'burn bridges' in case of having to work together
5- Keeping the door open for being 'friends w/ benefits'  

In the end, 'Ghosting' is not a costume that someone gets dressed up in for Halloween. It is a relationship trend that happens quite frequently. In the 21st Century when a Sophisticate can contact anyone at any point in time, if the other person disappears for her it stops being a trend and becomes a deal breaker (Sophisticated Love Rule #5: Deal Breakers). ;D