The Two Foundational Principles of a Relationship

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"A happy marriage is a union of two forgivers" Ruth Bell Graham 

In school you are taught the three R’s ‘Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic'. The  most successful relationships are said to be built on a strong foundation. What does that mean? What is that solid foundation of a good relationship made of?

No one is perfect (A Sophisticate is Imperfect). Before a Sophisticate decides to have a relationship with someone she must understand that no person or relationship is perfect. The expectation of perfection equals failure. Imperfection too is relative. When a Sophisticate loves someone she must accept that person for who they are completely. She does not  love them for what they could be (Sophisticated Love Lesson #4: The Fight).

When it comes to relationships there are two foundational principles for a relationship 'Forgiveness' and 'Fighting for each other'. 

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Gandhi 

Forgiveness

Communication -Being able to talk
Dialogue- Conversation where both people communicate and are understood
Understanding - Being able to see from the other person's perspective
Honesty - Being upfront with everything going on in your life
Truth - Telling the other person the truth about your feelings
Trust - Knowing that the other person has your best interests at heart
Sense of Humor - Being able to laugh together at the small stuff 

Fighting for each other

Respect- Kindness and appreciation of the other person
Loyalty - You stay or go back to the person you love
Believing in one another - When life gets hard, you believe the other person will be successful because you know and respect their potential
Supporting each other- Being each others 'back-up' when things go wrong
Giving each other the benefit of the doubt - Not taking everything personally
Teamwork- It's 'us' against the world not 'me' against the world

Love is not just a word or a moment or a feeling. Love is an experience. Love is a process. Love hurts not in the way most people might think. Love hurts because of the essential ingredient.

Everyone says honesty and communication is important.It's the truth, it's dialogue. It's about fighting to stay together. It's about breaking up and not being able to breathe after five minutes of being apart.

A real relationship is when you both know you will be with each other forever and the relationship merely the journey getting to forever.

Initially a relationship may begin with flowers and expensive dinners. Flowers die and dinners are eaten. The experience and the conversation is what is left between two people. In fact, it is the only thing that exists between two people. Marriage is what is left when the romance, the expensive trappings, and the intense chemistry is gone. 

When you date fighting and the topics are what matter. When you are in a relationship, a real one, the fights become discussions (The Relationship Rabbit Hole). The discussions become truth serums that expose the ‘dust bunnies’ between two people. Those dust bunnies are important to clean out before they form the impenetrable wall that comes between you and the other person. 

When the truth is spoken it is hard and painful. Instead of putting a mirror in front of her face a Sophisticate allows someone to know her well enough to put a mirror in front of her face. 

For a Sophisticate, the truth of her own failings and faults is where the pain of love exists. 

Fighting each other is painful but fighting for each other is bliss. In a relationship, staying with someone is a choice and discussions are inevitable.   Whether she wants to fight him or fight for him is her choice. In the end, if he's worth it and he is the one, she builds a strong foundation of love by forgiving and fighting for him. ;D