A Sophisticate Commits

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"Love is about the desire to commit to another person and the commitment to a relationship." Sophisticate in the Suburbs

Due to my independent nature (A Sophisticate is Miss Independent) and moving around (A Sophisticate is a Gypsy), being alone was comfortable. With the relationships that caused me pain, being alone was ideal. That all changed when my mom got cancer it was like my support system got split in two. What I realized that having both of my parents I felt like I had everything. 


"The reason I've been alone is because I'm comfortable that way" Margaret Tate from 'The Proposal'


Without my mom I had only half of a family and the fear of losing my Dad crept into my mind. Without brothers or sisters I wondered would I spend holidays with or would I spend them alone? Without a family the thought of  being alone aka single was no longer an ideal situation. 

"A Sophisticate commits, she is not committed. The only crazy she is, is crazy in love" Sophisticate in the Suburbs


The word commitment continued to frighten me. Commitment seemed permanent  or a tiring situation as if you were a slave for something or someone forever. Commitment was something that people who were mentally ill experienced.  


"Cause we may not be here tomorrow, no.

And if anybody should come along,
He gonna give you any love and affection" Janis Joplin

My fear of commitment disappeared as I watched my mom die in the hospice. I wondered who would be there for me when I died. I  wondered who really loved me. Suddenly I wanted roots. I wanted love and a family to belong to. As my mom's last breath disappeared so did my fear of commitment. 

After my mom died I opened myself to being loved for the first time. Unfortunately, my commitment was not about the desire to commit to another person, it was merely about being committed to a relationship.  It wasn't until I discovered happiness through the desire to commit to another person that I finally understand the difference.

The secret is that relationships are not about commitment to another person. Relationships, especially successful ones are about the desire to commit to another person and a commitment to a relationship. To commit you need to desire to be with another person because of their "good" and how they make you feel. The desire for another person is either there or it is not.   

A Sophisticate will not commit because...
Positive
-  She is not interested 
- She does not waste her or another's time
Negative:
-  She is afraid of being hurt 
-  She is driven by her thoughts not her feelings or desire 

A Sophisticate will commit because... 

Positive:
- She  cares about another person so deeply she would do anything for them
- It is natural to her and brings happiness and inspiration
Negative:
- She  knows no one else
- She  is uninterested or too lazy to date and afraid of being alone 

The desire to commit brings happiness and a positive relationship because it is all about heart. Desire, passion, and love, brings good luck and success.


The desire to commit brings an equal partnership or relationship. The desire to commit comes from a shared heart, shared values, and the same personality (Sophisticated Love Lesson #3: Opposites Attract, Sort of). 


The desire to commit brings happiness. The desire to commit brings her soulmate to her. The fear of commitment does not bring happiness and drives a Sophisticate to "commit" to the wrong person. Commitment to the wrong person results in divorce, depression, and overall bad luck in life.


A Sophisticate does not choose who she falls in love with, love chooses her. For her love is not a choice, it is the desire to commit to a person who makes her happy and make the commitment to a relationship. In the end, a Sophisticate commits because love is committed to her. ;D