Love, Marriage, and a Wedding

"A Sophisticate has a wedding when she knows the "y's" of a marriage amidst love's "x's and o's" Sophisticate in Suburbs

My mother would always say how amazed she was that some women will talk about their wedding and plan every detail down to the napkin holders. A bride will research and search for the perfect dress,  flowers, and location yet, they don't plan  or mention the marriage. 


She always told me that the wedding is not the focus, it's the marriage.


The question when a Sophisticate is engaged (A Sophisticate get's Engaged) is whether she is getting married or having a wedding. There is a difference.


The details I should focus on are understanding the details of the marriage. the details of the marriage include but are not limited to asking certain questions For example, How many children? Who will stay home? Will one spouse stay home or is day care the better alternative? What will happen if one spouse has to move for their job or career? What happens if either one or both get a terminal illness or are hospitalized?

After attending numerous weddings and watching numerous divorces, I know the most successful marriages begin when a woman acknowledges the large cost for wedding.  When I hear a woman complain or talk about the high cost for a day, I know immediately that marriage will last a lifetime.

“Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold.” Zelda Fitzgerald


A successful marriage comes from the understanding of how much a wedding costs in relation to the value of the relationship that exists between two people who are getting married.

The differences among a wedding, a marriage and love are simple:

A Wedding - Time Frame: One day. What it is: A party or celebration
Marriage - Time Frame: Years or Decades. What it is:Financial/legal contract
Love Time Frame: Lifetime.  What it is: A situation, circumstance, and feeling


To further clarify or distinguish the differences an analogy in terms of what a Sophisticate calls home:

Love is a feeling of being home

A wedding is celebrating love
Marriage is partnership to build that home

A Marriage a journey for a reason.


Once a Sophisticate gets married, there is a slight disappointment or a let down after a year or two. That is why most unsuccessful marriage end between year two and five. When a couple believes that Marriage leads to or develops into a shared friendship or connection they are in trouble. That friendship and connection should have been established long before a Marriage takes place.

Love is sharing friendship and a connection
Marriage is sharing a goal or dream
A Wedding is sharing a piece of cake at a party

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” Mignon McLaughlin


A journey is boring at times, exciting at others. A marriage like a journey is full of twists and turns, ups and downs, and obstacles on the path to success. The key to a successful marriage is you both have the same dream and work together to achieve it. Once described to be by a man who had been married over 50 years, each person in a marriage is on a separate elevator. The key is to make sure each person ends up on the same floor.


Another analogy of a marriage is a superhero team fighting the obstacles of reality together.


in the end, the key to one of the two most important decisions in a Sophisticate's life (Two Most Important Decisions) is the difference among understanding when you are in love, when you are planning a wedding, and why you are getting married.