Mr. Check-in-the-Box

www.istockphoto.com
"Love isn't brans, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside of you to work it's will" from the TV Show 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'

The reason I have stayed away from internet dating is because it tends to cater to my vanity (A Sophisticate is Vain). With internet dating you can filter and find your perfect man. Through experience with internet dating , I have discovered that  the laws of love follow the laws of nature not the laws of mathematics. Love is an instinct not a thought. 

Recently, flying home from a trip, I happened to sit next to a very good looking man. We started talking and talked the entire flight. He was single and very  attractive.  He had a good job, used to be in the military so  my assumption was that he had ethics and integrity. He was on his way to go hiking in Ireland by himself. He enjoyed music and knew enough about the musician Jack White to teach me something. Overall was attractive, independent,  had a successful career, a nature as well as a music lover. In the end, he checked all my "boxes".

"You have to be crazy in love, a kind of "can't live without them" BEFORE marriage if you want your marriage  to last 10, 20, 30, even 50 years" Anonymous

At the end of the flight, he didn't ask for my number and I didn't bother offering. In fact, I told him I would be leaving the plane quickly to catch my next flight.  Here was someone who was the perfect man at the perfect moment. What happened? More importantly, what didn't happen?

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. Fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and listen to your heart." from the movie 'Meet Joe Black' (1998)

The answer was that there wasn't any chemistry. I didn't feel any attraction or spark and probably neither did he. We had a great and enjoyable conversation debating and laughing but  there was no chemistry, no butterflies. He was what I would refer to as "Mr. Check-in-the-Box"

"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends" from the TV Show 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'

There are three types of men a Sophisticate meets

Mr. "Check-in-the-Box" aka "Trophy Boyfriend"- There is no physical attraction.
Mr. Right Now- There is only a physical attraction
The One- A friendship, an overpowering chemistry, and a connection 

How does a Sophisticate distinguish among the men she meets and how she feels about them? 

Mr. "Check-in-Box" - A Sophisticate knows When a Sophisticate uses the word "think".

While dating she says to herself or other "I wasn't sure but now I think he's great",  "I think he's the one", "I think he's perfect for me". Weight gain occurs and "shabby dress" Until the fifth year of marriage if a Sophisticate is with someone who she does not always  "dressing to impress" or wants to kiss  them all the time, she is with "Mr. Check-in-the-Box".

Note: If a Sophisticate marries Mr. "Check in the Box", she may eventually be checking the box "Divorced".

Mr. Right Now-  A Sophisticate has nothing in common with them except a physical attraction. 

When conversation barely exists, when you spend most time at events or outings that don't require conversation. Also, a Sophisticate spends most of her time kissing instead of kissing.  (Chemistry vs. Connection)

The One- He is nothing a Sophisticate was expecting. A surprise, her "Mr. Opposite (Opposites Attract, Sort of) that fits. A Sophisticate knows "The One" because creates the boxes or standard for other man she meets to check.

There is an attraction, a subconscious connection that is unexplainable,  and you care about them. The bad times you share  awaken you to  the good times.  You can't escape them, mentally, emotionally, or physically and you don't want to... Finally, not being with them feels wrong. Your heart feels as if you are rubbing sandpaper against the grain of wood. 

Sometimes a Sophisticate can be "Miss Check-in-the-Box" or be the "Trophy Girlfriend" For a Sophisticate in the 21st Century, it's important in any relationship to communicate and understand whether you are "The One" and he is "The One". 

In the end, a  Sophisticate must value the men she dates and herself because everyone deserves to be more than merely a "Check-in-the-Box" in love. ;D